05-31-15 § Leave a comment
yesterday was my day off, which coincided perfectly with that first ungodly day of my special moontime vagina bloodbath bullshit party where i lay around moaning and heaving as i’m ravaged by an invisible serrated blade. today i only work 6 hours, but i kinda still feel like i’m miscarrying the fetus of a demon. oh well, i guess. gotta make that living wage! that’s a joke because I DO NOT MAKE ENOUGH TO LIVE HAHA! i can’t call off anyway because i’ve already had the lecture about “attendance” 3 times. (is this school? or am i an adult at my JOB?) maybe i could if i could get a doctor’s excuse but i can’t afford healthcare, so, hi.
well, they’re gonna love me at work today, cause i’m gonna be going slow as shit and running to the bathroom every five minutes to let out the extremely loud and painful farts that won’t stop wracking my sad body. i LOVE having a uterus. plus i have no tampons so i’m wearing my ~diva cup~ and i have to say having a huge silicone cup of my own entrails lodged inside me all day does NOT make me feel like a woman of outstanding talent in the opera. tampons are the devil and everything, but. pain.
it’s supposed to storm really bad today so i hope the power goes out while i’m at work and then we can MAKE A FIRE AND ROAST MARSHMALLOWS AND TELL GHOST STORIES or maybe i can just slip out unnoticed, skip town and change my name and let everyone think i was kidnapped in the confusion. i’ll keep you updated, invisible, pretend audience of mine