05-31-15 § Leave a comment
yesterday was my day off, which coincided perfectly with that first ungodly day of my special moontime vagina bloodbath bullshit party where i lay around moaning and heaving as i’m ravaged by an invisible serrated blade. today i only work 6 hours, but i kinda still feel like i’m miscarrying the fetus of a demon. oh well, i guess. gotta make that living wage! that’s a joke because I DO NOT MAKE ENOUGH TO LIVE HAHA! i can’t call off anyway because i’ve already had the lecture about “attendance” 3 times. (is this school? or am i an adult at my JOB?) maybe i could if i could get a doctor’s excuse but i can’t afford healthcare, so, hi.
well, they’re gonna love me at work today, cause i’m gonna be going slow as shit and running to the bathroom every five minutes to let out the extremely loud and painful farts that won’t stop wracking my sad body. i LOVE having a uterus. plus i have no tampons so i’m wearing my ~diva cup~ and i have to say having a huge silicone cup of my own entrails lodged inside me all day does NOT make me feel like a woman of outstanding talent in the opera. tampons are the devil and everything, but. pain.
it’s supposed to storm really bad today so i hope the power goes out while i’m at work and then we can MAKE A FIRE AND ROAST MARSHMALLOWS AND TELL GHOST STORIES or maybe i can just slip out unnoticed, skip town and change my name and let everyone think i was kidnapped in the confusion. i’ll keep you updated, invisible, pretend audience of mine
05-28-15 § 1 Comment
i just found a cicada shell outside and got excited. it was just a little shit of a thing, but a cicada nonetheless. in other words: it’s summer. i can’t wait for them to be sitting in every tree, screaming their desperate hellacious booty calls at a decibel level that could burst my eardrums, careening drunkenly through the nasty humidity with but one noble cause: to get fucked. just like me.
i had memorial day off, and then tuesday and wednesday too. 3 days in a row of not working is good and bad. less money, but more fun, which then also causes less money. i have $16 in my bank account even though i just got paid last friday. being poor is neat! although i shouldn’t have taken us out to red lobster when we were on our memorial day adventures, i don’t regret it because fucking crab legs and delicious alcoholic beverages, that’s why. momma needs her goofy juice! don’t deny an old witch her pleasures, or whatever, goddamnit
i also for some reason thought it was a good idea to go to our town’s public pool on memorial day with a bunch of open wounds on my body so now i’m pregnant and have west nile. that is how it works, don’t question me, i’m a doctor. we only stayed there for like an hour and a half because amanda was “cold”. BOOHOO BITCH. at least i got to swim around in a half-chlorinated sea of pubes and dead wasps for an hour though! after that we went to target so amanda could let me pick out hair dye for her and i accidentally made her a redhead WHOOPS SORRY AMANDA YOU’RE ME NOW WELCOME TO HELL. then we went to see the new poltergeist movie at 10:45 at night, we got there late, didn’t know it was 3-D, were the only ones in the theater and it was the worst movie ever. why remake that movie first of all but ugh we should have walked out and got our money back. regrets!
then on tuesday, chris appeared back into my life out of the blue and whisked me and mark away on an adventure to pittsburgh, ikea, and a japanese steakhouse. i love eating raw fish because i want to die! that day was fun too because i love being spontaneous and reckless and driving to pittsburgh for any reason at all. with no money. in someone else’s car. kill me.
this is getting boring, i came here to post pictures but oops a fuckin daisy all i did was blab about my boring existence. i feel like i don’t have the energy now to open up another tab, go to my flickr, and INSERT all that media because i’m so depressed i can barely breathe, but i should force myself to do it because i DESERVE TO SUFFER
i don’t want to go to work in two hours. for a four hour shift. $9 times 4 hours is $36. it isn’t even worth the gas it takes to get there. funnel my blood into a super soaker and shoot it into the depths of hell because i’ll be poor for the rest of my life.
05-23-15 § Leave a comment
look, nobody, i’m back! i made this wordpress blog in like 2007 i think; i’m currently wading through past private entries of delightfully spun gay porn yarns trying to figure it out. i had quite a thirst for hot man on man action in a steampunk circus setting during my youth, i did! (HEY my idea for a dramatic futuristic sci-fi circus novel was GOOD okay) but yeah, 2007 sounds about right. i am no longer the oxygen-deprived teen weeaboo degenerate i once was, i will soon be 27 and am now an elder internet user yet again wanting to contribute my useless word vomit to the BLOGOSPHERE as i did in the days of olde, when the earth was young and so was my mortal soul!!!!! nothing much has changed with me. i am less stupid and less ugly, though, so those are good things! i am, however, still (STUPID) addicted to morning procrastination: chain smokin and online shoppin and a thousand cups of coffee when i should be showering my heathen carcass and preparing it for a 9 hour shift of retail good times. eating, too, is a good thing to do before you go to work. you need to eat to stay alive, trust me bitch i’m a doctor.
so here i am at this 8 year old blog, doing what, i do not know. i just want to get back into mindlessly writing about my maybe not-so-mundane life in a way that is therapeutic to me. there is no one here; no one “follows” this blog. i’m not really sure how that works here on wordpress tbh. i am choosing this place though because all the other blogging platforms for journal-style writing that i used to know and use went down the pooper (lol greatestjournal and livejournal). wordpress is versatile, fairly easy to use even though i’m dumb as heck, and has the potential to look aesthetically pleasing which is important to me because STUFF HAS TO BE PRETTY OR IT DOESN’T MATTER.
this could also serve as a good distraction for me in the mornings when i’m tempted to shop online which i should not fucking be doing at all, ever. i am so dangerous. and sexy. and poor. i need to save money. my dangerous sexy poor ass needs a car and to move out of my dad’s basement. yes, life is as glamorous for me as it ever was. sleeping in filth, living in sin. baby i do it all! OH AND the boyfriend just gifted me a new camera so i can post big nice quality emotional photographs of my white trash hovel! it’s my favorite camera, the one i pawned for beer and cupcakes when i lived in alaska for a year, the panasonic lumix dmc-lx3! a damn fine bridge camera tbh. we shouldn’t have bought it because hello SAVING MONEY but i am so happy to have it. so yeah, i can get back into “photography”. i use that term loosely, because i never stopped taking pictures of things – instagram and phone cameras are still photography despite what some snobby ass cloud-yellin-at ass old people might say. if you’re taking pictures, it doesn’t matter what you’re taking them with. it’s photography. if you’re capturing and collecting moments, it’s photography. i don’t give a shit if you’re using a pinhole camera you made from a goddamn toilet paper tube to take dirty mirror selfies, it’s photography. i will defend this til the day the coppers drag me to the electric chair for my long list of heinous crimes!!!!!
i really should go and get ready for work. i get to work with my bitch amanda polanda all day today so i’m excited about that. i will return to this as often as possible, for like catharsis or whatever. to write about my romantic times at my spanish villa, my decadent life of poolside drinks and cocaine use in the tropics. all the fun stuff i do everyday, you know. some pictures, some bitchin, perhaps some product reviews since even though i am trying to save money i absolutely know for a fact that i will be TREATIN MYSELF here and there. we’ll see! either way i know my carefully arranged audience of adorable stuffed tea-party animals is excited